Blog Topic
Visitation
WHAT IF MY EX- GETS DRUNK IN FRONT OF OUR BOYS, AND DOES NOT PROVIDE THEM WITH THEIR OWN BEDS? CAN HE GIVE THEM A MOHAWK HAIRCUT?
QUESTION: What is it a non-custodial parent is required to provide for their children when they have them for visitation?
I am trying to determine whether to move forward in requesting a change in visitations for my children, who tell me they have no beds on which to sleep. The Judgment says visitation is "as agreed by both parents," and their father doesn't see them much - maybe once a month. This has worked well. The kids look forward to seeing him, and they sleep on air mattresses in his living room. But I'm also worried about what my ex-husband and his wife think is okay - like Mohawk haircuts on kids and skull clothing. I mean, our kids are only 7 and 9 years old! And the other day, the kids told me that he got really drunk in front of them, and that they had to spend the night on a stranger's couch because he was too drunk to drive them home. How serious is this?
Thank you, Judy
Hello Judy,
I have a serious concern with the drinking issue. If he is doing dangerous things in front of the kids and you know it, you could get involved in a child endangerment issue. That's where one parent doesn't take the appropriate steps to protect their children when they know one parent is taking risks when he's caring for the children. In a case like that, Social Services can get involved. Here, if you know he got so drunk in front of the kids, you know there's a danger, and this enables you to go to court on an emergency basis and ask for orders protecting your children. The longer you wait, the less an emergency it becomes in the eyes of the court since if you wait, the court feels it's not truly a threat. This could reflect poorly on you later in your case. But if he's behaving like this, putting your children at risk (because let's face it, he sees them so infrequently, if he can't stay sober during one of his rare visitations, he probably is drinking lots and they just haven't told you), you have no alternative.
If your ex-husband cannot afford to rent a place with bedrooms for the children, and since they only visit once a month, sleeping on air mattresses may not be viewed as "bad" by the court. Your boys may feel it's an adventure, which is what it sounds like since they still look forward to seeing him. There is no hard and fast law that says what a non-custodial parent must do, and your children are not necessarily guaranteed a bedroom, although many judges feel that is a bare minimum; lots depends on the judge assigned to your case, and you have no control over who that will be.
And by the way, in the court's eyes, Mohawks are inappropriate haircuts for grade school boys. I've seen parents lose custody of a child by returning that child to their other parent with a Mohawk haircut.
Best, Pat Hendrickson
